[video]
pretty irritated by just about everything right now. trying to just relax and to let the fact that i’m finally graduating sink in… but it’s not working out. still stressed out, still quite depressed. everything is making me annoyed. i feel like such crap.
I realize those who try to define themselves, who try to become something they’re not, are what we call fake. But it’s more than that. It’s the idea of not being satisfied with who you already are, it’s the idea of being shamed by just being normal for a change. Perhaps we’re all just ordinary people, but as shallow people swallow people whole, we feel the need to adapt to our peers and be who we’re not. At least, that’s how it works for a lot of people. And to those who have not betrayed themselves to society, who are happy, who are genuine, I’m glad to have known you guys.
but who am i to say who i am, for though i try to discover who i may be, the more i learn about myself the more i try to define myself and the more i become someone im not. who is to say who is real and who is fake, for we are all judges of each other, and through such broken lens do we see, do i see.
Anonymous asked: of what? im sure an intelligent guy like you has no trouble with love right?
I do not wish to dignify this troll message with an adequate response. All I’ll say is that 1) I’m not smart at all 2) Intelligence has nothing to do with relationships.
Anonymous asked: Are u single? ;)
Please don’t remind me of this.
when i look at you / oh, i don’t know what’s real / once in a while / and you make me laugh
Today felt like an overwhelmingly depressing day. I do not know why this is so.
It was fine in the morning, I suppose. Waking up early is never fun, but it had to be done.
I wrote a few cards for a few teachers. Letting them go is just a part of the play.
And, if the world were a stage, I’d be an actor. And, if the world weren’t a stage, I’d be an actor.
Just go through the motions as society provides the roles. We’re cast by fate and genetics.
But, what’s my fate to be, beyond high school? I’m afraid to stick around and see…
and i’ll see you tomorrow / and it won’t be long
Today I finished my finals, the final ones of high school. Now I don’t know where to go.
Do I just live life like I always do? Or is there more for me to find, more to fulfill?
I finished school, more or less. Moving on is just part of the game.
And, if we were chess pieces, I’d be a pawn. And, if we weren’t chess pieces, I’d be a pawn.
Just go through the same old same, as the system turns the wheel. We’re driven into circles.
But, I’d like to hope I had fun, once in a while. I’d like to hope I had good times as well…
once in a while / then you take me down / then you walk away
Perhaps it’s losing the people I know. But I get to lose the people I don’t want to know.
Perhaps it’s being lost by people. By people I don’t want to be lost by.
I passed all my classes, but maybe it’s just that my classes have passed by me.
Who am I to say I’ve gotten anywhere, when maybe where I’ve gotten is backwards?
I’m not ready to move on. No, not ready at all. It’s not that I’m scared to let go of what I have.
I’m not good enough. No, not good enough at all. It’s that I’m scared to take in what I can’t accept.
Anonymous asked: why will you be dead by 40?
Let’s just say a bit of yoga, wishful thinking, and salad won’t help much.
It’s personal, and I don’t really like to talk about it, if that’s alright with you.
Anonymous asked: you think you're really smart, and big shit because you read philosophy books. hint hint- anyone can read a book and recite the crap that was in it. it doesn't make you a fucking philosopher. just chill. god. also when people call you a creep or a stalker it's not funny. it's not a joke. you're creepy, and when you're 40 you'll probably be a molester
Clearly, I don’t know who you are, but I am going to suppose that you’re new around these parts. At least, I can safely say that you don’t read into my posts or know me closely in person. One of the sayings I have, that I repeat to myself on a daily basis, is the fact that “Just because you own or read a book doesn’t mean you understand it.” In fact, with the books I own, I know I don’t understand them. And that’s the point. If a person could read a philosophy book and say, “I completely get it. I get everything,” then he’s doing it wrong.
I don’t know when I ever directly said that I’m smart, because generally the people who know me know that I have huge self-esteem issues, but I still apologize for coming off in a bad light to you. I hope that if you go to my school, we can turn this correspondence into something amicable. Seriously, I’m truly sorry if you feel offended or offset by the fact that I do read philosophy books… I’m even more sorry that you think I “recite the crap that was in it.” News flash, I barely ever do that; most of the time I spout ideas based on my observations of the world… the purpose of reading philosophy isn’t to get smarter, nor is it to steal ideas from—it’s to figure out what part of the historical dialogue that you and I fit into, and it’s to get you to listen to different forms of argumentation.
By the way, I’m sure that it says ‘philosopher’ as one of the three labels under my name, but that’s just because I didn’t think ‘writer’ quite cut it. I’m not really a writer at all, because my ability to work on fiction is horrid. As you can tell, my prose is not that great as well. Perhaps I shall just change it to ‘thinker’ to avoid any further confusion? Similarly, if this notion of “big shit” is coming from my strong wish to take a Philosophy major, I would just like to say that I love philosophy, and I know I have so much more to learn in that field, so that’s why I would like to major in it. Otherwise, if you’re just offended by the way I talk, or by some intangible manifestation of ‘aura’ or demeanor, I greatly encourage you to just come talk to me about it. Other than hearing a load of ad hominem bashing from an anon on tumblr, I’d very much like to sit down and listen to your grievances in person. Seriously. I know people always say, “Oh that response I got was fake,” etc., but really, I want to know what I’m doing wrong in your eyes.
As for the creep part, it’s been a while since someone other than myself has called me a creep (dunno if that makes any sense to you). Sure I’m very open and very honest about a lot of things, and sure, that leads to the stereotypical idea of being a “creep,” but so far I believe I’ve made a meaningful great deal of friendships from just being who I am. As for the stalker part, I’m not sure how to respond to that, because I don’t think I stalk anyone… The people I really like, I talk to a lot, and I’ve basically weaned myself off of Facebook and Tumblr. Besides, I pretty much made a proclamation to myself after last year’s whole K.D. incident that I would never become attached to someone based on their internet presence, and I even laid out a specific set of rules for myself to follow in the future.
Also, speaking of 40, I’m going to be dead by then, so I don’t suppose that’s going to be a problem. And no, that’s not a joke, I literally will be dead by 40; why do you think I’ve been in a rush to finish everything so quickly? I’m existentially screwed. Also, with what I’ve learned over these past two years, especially after meeting and being able to talk to a great deal of amazing people, I know that I wouldn’t do something so immoral as being ‘a molester.’ Hell, I’ve started to realize that my asceticism of avoiding drugs and alcohol and taking up of celibacy is worth it, even if it may seem extreme at first. I suppose we all do things that are symbolic or spiritual that may end up meaning nothing… (I am indeed reminded of Mahavira, the Jainist Tirthankara, who died through the starvation of himself… I suppose we may call it something stupid, to not eat due to a religious or philosophical belief, but the fact that he was able to die for something he believed in, well, that’s admirable.)
Again, I’d just like to re-iterate a few points. Hopefully you’ve managed to read through my response to your attack on my character. First of all, I’m sorry I offend you with my reading of philosophy books. I’m sorry you think that there is a sort of intellectual discord or elitism that goes on around me. I’m sorry that while I can enjoy something, you have to be butthurt over it. Seriously, I’m sure you do something that you think you’re all high and mighty in, or at least the tone of your writing suggests that. Second of all, I’d like to extend out my offer once again to meet you in person and hear what you have to say against me. I’m ready to take these humbling hits. I’m not any better than the next guy—I’m probably worse—and to be able to actually examine myself through listening to the perspectives of others… that’s something that’s seriously worth it. Finally, I’d like you to read over a few of the more recent posts on my blog, especially the ones where I do confront the notion of ‘intellectual idealism’ head on. Or even, I’d like you to read this article if you haven’t already. It’s not taken out of some book. It’s as personal to me as it gets. But thank you for taking the time to write this message. I’m sure it made you feel better about yourself.
oh, that title is actually kinda clever. let me save that.
So it’s been a long time since I’ve had a blogger-esque post on Tumblr, and I decided that this would be a good time to write something new. I’ve been wanting to make a post about Bamboozle, the three-day music festival that I attended over the previous weekend, but have been far too busy with a variety of overburdening projects. Instead, here is a list of the bands I was able to see this weekend; I did miss a few bands in order to get rest, dinner, and a few things signed, so hopefully you can understand why this list is so short…
Friday, May 18
Receiving End of Sirens
Incubus
Skrillex
Saturday, May 19
The Maine
Motion City Soundtrack
All American Rejects
He Is We
Jimmy Eat World
Dear Hunter
My Chemical Romance
Periphery
Foo Fighters
Motion City Soundtrack (second set)
Sunday, May 20
Deas Vail
He Is We (second set)
Brand New
Bon Jovi
Most sets were about 30 minutes to 1 hour long; the headliners such as Skrillex were about 1.5 hours to 2 hours long. I have to say, the concert was definitely worth it. I won’t really need to go to another music festival like this in a while; I’m pretty satisfied with how Bamboozle went this past weekend. Plus, the only reason I absolutely had to go this year was because TREOS was playing on Friday, and they broke up years ago. Frankly, their live performances are absolutely amazing, and they’re one of my absolute favorite bands, so I simply had to go to this festival, if not for anything else.
Skrillex was surprisingly better than I had expected, although dance-based music really isn’t my thing. Sure, Foo Fighters, My Chemical Romance, and Bon Jovi are amazing bands and generally are known to have great stage presence, I didn’t quite enjoy their shows as much as I did Motion City Soundtrack’s, Dear Hunter’s, and especially, Brand New’s. I’m proud to now say that I’ve seen a ridiculous amount of bands live… Again, totally worth it, especially since I got an awesome hotel room right next to the festival that overlooked one of the music stages and had views of the ocean. Not bad at all. Asbury Park, expect me to return in the future!
In other news related to music, I also played my last concert with the Monta Vista Jazz Ensemble this past Tuesday, and it went pretty well. I realize that a lot of my life nowadays revolves around music, due to the fact that I just came back from the three-day music festival of Bamboozle, will be performing two more times over this next week, and am preoccupied with an AP Music Theory final composition project as well. Pretty much, I’ve been directly involved with music every day since last week. Speaking of which, if you’ve made it this far into my post, please come out and support my band, Seventh Day Breakdown, at our concert at The Refuge in Cupertino this Friday night! We’ve got a really great set to show all of you, and we’re super pumped to play alongside some pretty big touring bands.
Anyways, I probably need to get back to working on my ridiculous requirements for achieving my Eagle Scout rank. Not only does my project look impossible to finish at this point, but I also have a plethora of merit badges to finish in an extremely short amount of time… At the same time, I need to continue practicing for the two shows with SDB this Friday, finish the AP Economics final project that’s due Friday, and finish the AP Music Theory composition rough draft also due on Friday. Fun. At least, by June 9th, I’ll be done with it all… Hope I can keep my sanity in check until then…
I don’t have much else to post, other than the fact that I’m still living and surviving. The process of weening myself off of internet-reliance has been somewhat successful, as you can tell from my not-as-frequently-updated Tumblr. However, I do believe I did change the theme for my page in light of recent changes, though. Don’t know how it’ll play out, but it doesn’t matter much for me right now. As always, I’m preoccupied with tons of projects and such, and overly stressing myself out.
Hopefully by the summer I can focus more on reading and writing philosophy, and working on music with SDB before I leave for college. Speaking of college……..
Anonymous asked: Do you find your pro-life stand opposing your libertarian ideas?
No, I do not believe in the government enforcement of my personal pro-life beliefs. It is not the role of government to regulate ethics, because ethics come from the church and the church and state must be separated.
Anonymous asked: Is ignorance bliss?
No.